Hang up and drive!

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

My kid beat up your honor student.

I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

Support Search & Rescue - GET LOST!

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming in terror like his passengers.

If you don't like the way I'm driving, YOU come get these handcuffs off!

You're driving a car. It isn't a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant.

Montana - At least our cows are sane!

My karma ran over your dogma.

I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun.

Guns don't kill people (postal workers do).

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!

If you are close enough to read this, I am close enough to slam on my brakes and sue you.

I brake for hallucinations.

Forget About World Peace... Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

Vote Republican - it's easier than thinking.

Missing dog and wife. Reward for dog.

i souport publik edekasion.

Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put It In Reverse?

Pardon my driving. I'm reloading.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.

Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says: I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!

They couldn't repair my brakes, so they made my horn louder.

Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by it's maker.

Drive carefully, we need every taxpayer we can get.

Drive defensively - buy a tank.

Don't piss me off - I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

A.A.A.A.A. - An organization for drunks who drive.

Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left.

Attention: Driver carries less than $20 in ammunition.

Horn broken, watch for finger.

I got this motor home for my wife. BEST deal I ever made!

The kids drive me crazy. I drive them everywhere.

Why am I the only person on earth who knows how to drive?

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready.

Bad cop. No doughnut.

I drive this way just to piss you off.

Now that you're on my ass, wanna get married?

Go on, I'll see you at the next traffic light.

I Brake For No Apparent Reason.

No Radio - Already Stolen.

Back off, I'm a postal worker.

Prevent inbreeding - ban country music.

Your father should have pulled out early!

So many pedestrians, so little time!

Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

I may be slow but I'm ahead of you!

I may not believe what your bumper sticker says, but I will defend to the end your right to stick it!

Honk if you LOVE Hanson - Then run into a tree.

Even though this is a stupid bumper sticker, you're squinting to read it.

This delinquent is having sex with your Honor Student.

Where are we going and what am I doing in this handbasket?

Supporting America's Militant Agnostics... we don't know, and you don't either.

Keep honking - I'm reloading.

If you can read this, the bitch fell off. (on the back of a biker's T-shirt).

My Other car is a beater (On the back of a beater).

I love animals - especially in a good gravy!

Earth first! (We'll strip-mine the other planets later)

Born free... Taxed to death.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

On the back of an old pickup: If this truck was a horse, I'd have to shoot it.

In a few years I'll be tall enough to see over the wheel.

Don't Laugh, your daughter may be in here.

If we weren't meant to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?

Ankh if you love Isis.

I brake for tailgaters. Hard.

I'm not tailgating, I'm drafting!

Woman make great leaders, you're following one.

Pray for whirled peas.

Honk if you love cheeses.

If you can read this, you are in phaser range.

So many cats. So few recipes.

I need patience. NOW!

My other vehicle is a broom stick.

My God is alive - sorry about yours.

I don't trust President Clinton (or her husband).

If you listen carefully on a quiet night, you can hear the sound of Chevys rusting in the distance.

Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is.

FREE TIBET! (with the purchase of a 44 oz. drink).

Help beautify our dumps. Throw away something pretty.

Free Tibet! (With the purchase of a Tibet of equal or lesser value.)

(On the back of a VW Beetle) Don't honk, I'm peddling as fast as I can.

(On a VW being pulled by an RV) Don't honk, I'm pushing as hard as I can.

Witches' Parking - All others Toad.

My President slept with your honor student.

My kid was Prisoner of the Month at Orange County Jail.

Life's A Witch And Then You Fly.

Zero to bitch in 2.4 seconds.

I wonder if you'd drive any better with that car phone up your butt?

Missing your cat? Try looking under my tires.

I think therefore I'm dangerous.

Get in - buckle up - shut up - and hold on!

Never drive faster than your Guardian Angel can fly (Found on the back of a Pontiac Fiero)

I have PMS and a handgun. Any questions? (I saw this on the back of a porsche 911... kinda makes you think :)

Support your State Troopers - Drive really fast.

You're not a hemoroid, get off my ass!

'YES this is my truck. NO I wont help you move.'

My Governor can beat up your Governor. (Minnesota bumper sticker)

The closer you get the slower I go.

I want to die in my sleep like grandpa, not terrified and screaming like his passengers.

Wanted: Overnight Meaningful Relationship

I tried to contain myself, but I escaped

Honk if you're a goose.

Work harder: Millions on welfare depend on you.

Do not wash this car. It is undergoing a scientific dirt experiment.

I don't drive fast, I fly low.

Nice front bumper you have there. Shame if something happened to it.

Sign seen on a Fertilizer Truck: We're #1 in the #2 Business!

Ray Guns don't kill Zeeges, Zeeges kill Zeeges - Alien Bumper sticker

If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

Dear Lord, please save me from your followers.

You! Out of the gene pool!

Don't Annoy The Crazy Person.

Practice creative road rage cursing: "May you drop that lit cigerette in your lap!"

This is a sign written on a back of a lorry: Overtakers beware, you might meet the Undertaker

Honk if you like obscene gestures!

(Upside down on the bumper of a Jeep) If You Can Read This, Please Flip Jeep Over.

Don't steal, the government hates competition.

New Bumper Sticker cropping up in NY: Run, Hillary, Run. (Democrats use the rear bumper - Republicans have it on the front of their cars!)

You may touch the dust just don't write in it.

Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window!

My truck is not leaking, it's marking its territory.

Honk your brains out, it wont take long.

Witches' Parking: All violators will be toad.