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There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one
works.
A hacker does for love what others would not do for money.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray
and the blinking red light.
Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be
hard to understand.
The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!'.
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer, you will
find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the
computer.
Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta
is Latin for 'still doesn't work.'
Computer analyst to programmer: You start coding. I'll go find out what
they want.
Computer hackers do it all night long.
Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
Hit any user to continue.
I wish life had an UNDO function.
If your computer says: Printer out of Paper, this problem cannot be
resolved by continuously clicking the 'OK' button.
It said: 'Insert disk 3...' but only 2 fit in the drive.
Microsoft Windows: computing While U Wait,
665.9238429876 - Number of the Pentium Beast
Linux renders ships, NT is rendering ships useless.
I feel like a genocidal maniac when emacs asks me if I want to kill
10789 characters.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use
than eating soup with a knife.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Epigram: Ada is the 400-pound gorilla of programming languages.
Remember Knuth: premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Standard are industry's way of codifying obsolescence.
cthread. cthread_fork(). Fork, thread, fork!
Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.
To know recursion, you must first know recursion.
Life's unfair - but root password helps!
Mountain Dew and doughnuts... because breakfast is the most important
meal of the day.
Whip me. Beat me. Make me maintain AIX.
Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build
bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to
produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. -
Rich Cook
Intel: We put the 'um...' in Pentium.
A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no
mercy. - Joseph Campbell
Of course my password is the same as my pet's name. My macaw's name was
Q47pY!3, but I change it every 90 days.
Helpdesk tip #2: When the support analyst says: 'Click... ', wait for
the rest of the sentence.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding.
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven...
The world is coming to an end... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and
when it is bad, it is better than nothing. - Dick Brandon
A good programmer makes all the right mistakes.
Real programmers use COPY CON COMMAND.COM
Unix, BASIC, C, PASCAL, APL, ADA, and PROFANITY spoken here.
Managing programmers is like herding cats.
There is an old saying that if a million monkeys typed on a million
keyboards for a million years, eventually all the works of Shakespeare
would be produced. Now, thanks to Usenet, we know this is not true.
Computer programmers never die... they just byte the dust.
Intel Inside: The world's most commonly used warning label.
A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a
one-way street. - Doug Linder
A television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a
computer.
Printer not ready. Do you have a pen?
Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has
occurred...
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but
when you do, it blows away your whole leg. - Bjarne 'Stumpy' Stroustrup
If cars evolved at the same rate as computers, they'd cost a quarter,
run for a year on a half-gallon of gas, and crash once a day, killing
everyone inside.
If engineers built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the
first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
C Programmers do it recursively.
Remaining time multiplied by distress is constant.
A computer scientist is someone who, when told to 'Go to Hell', sees the
'go to', rather than the destination, as harmful.
FATAL ERROR! SYSTEM HALTED! - Press any key to do nothing...
/* I can C clearly now */
1010011010 - The binary number of the Beast
1332 - The number of two Beasts
A program is a device used to convert data into error messages.
A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer.
APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.
Application has reported a 'Not My Fault' in module KRNL.EXE in line
0200:103F
RTFM: No just an acronym, it's the LAW!
Linux: Because rebooting is for adding new hardware.
Carpe Aptenodytes! (Seize the Penguins!)
He's not a real doctor, He's an integer doctor. (Wait for it. Wait
fooooor it....)
Nature abhors a GUI
Never execute code written on a Friday or a Monday.
Students nowadays, complaining they only get 2MBs of disk space! In my
day we were lucky if we had one file, and that was /dev/null.
Warranty clause voided by payment of invoice.
'During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative
in creating the Internet.' - Al Gore, March 9, 1999: On CNN's Late
Edition
(mother(you) -> hamster) and (smelt(father) = smelt(elderberries))
Programmers never die: They just GOSUB without RETURN.
ACK and you shall receive.
A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1...
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
"If the Start Windows Restart when Windows starts check box is
checked Windows Restart will start automatically every time Windows is
started." - Actual excerpt from a windows program help file!
"... leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering,
dancing leads to sex" - Yoda, Puritan Master
Apathy error: don't bother striking any key.
Back when I was a boy, we carved our own IC's out of wood.
Bad command or file name. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaaay...
Beta testers who lie! Next time on Geraldo!
But God TOLD me to use a GOTO.
Behind every good computer -- is a jumble of wires 'n stuff.
Don't worry. I backed it up to the RAM disk yesterday.
Drag me, drop me, treat me like an object!
Hell must be full... the damned are in tech support.
Error: Sector not found -- search behind couch? (Y/N)
File not found. I'll just make something up.
Finish the project. We'll buy you a new family.
He who laughs last is at 300 baud.
I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere.
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